cynth (cynthtastic) wrote,

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The 1st (of many) Rants

(Please note that I already wrote this once, but it got erased before I could post it… That has contributed to my level of irritation.)

I’m thinking about getting a new cell phone because mine is starting to suck. It’s not her fault; she and her battery are over two years old, and cell phone years are longer than dog years.

The best deal I could find that meets my particularl set of circumstances, terms, and conditions is with T-Mobile, and my favorite of their free/free-with-rebate phones is the Sony Ericsson T300 (or is it T306?) phone with a camera attachment.

I like this phone for two reasons: 1) it’s free, 2) it’s green.

The only thing I actively dislike about it is the camera function.

I would like to pause here to apologize to anyone who has a camera phone and who I have offended/am about to offend… I would like to, but I can’t because I feel that you’ve made a silly, silly purchase.

WHO has EVER been talking on the phone and thought, “Gee, I really wish I could take a picture with this thing right now?!” PHONES are for communicating; CAMERAS are not.

My laptop doesn’t wash my clothes. My refrigerator doesn’t get cable channels. Why not? BECAUSE THAT WOULD BE RIDICULOUS!!!

I can appreciate the gimmicky features offered by the folks at Nextel because they improve (say it with me now) communication. A walkie-talkie function aids in communication. Both phones and walkie-talkies are used for communicating. I don’t even mind the cell phone/PDA. People use their PDAs to communicate, and it’s possible that you might convey/receive information via a telephone which needs to be organized. I think of the PDA function as an expansion of the preexisting phone/address book function of a cell phone.

Now some might argue that a pictorial representation of what you’re talking about could be useful in communication with the terminally stupid. I would direct these people to the self checkout lanes of any grocery store. (Here begins an ancillary mini-rant…)

I LOVE the self checkout lanes. For a person, like myself, who probably has Social Anxiety Disorder (don’t you love how the initials spell sad?), the self checkout lanes are a godsend. I can get food, necessary for basic sustenance and life function, without talking to any strangers at all whatsoever. Hooray for me!

And it’s a brilliant system, seemingly idiot-proof.


You see, the self checkout lanes are equipped with talking touch-screens, self-starting and stopping conveyor belts, and combination scanner/scales. Sound pretty simple? Well, that’s because it is.

Words cannot express how frustrating it is when the person in front of you has produce in his/her cart, s/he puts his/her bananas on the scanner/scale, the pressure causes the talking touch-screen to tell him/her – aloud and in writing – to select his/her item from an array of numbered, pictured fruits and veggies, and s/he cannot touch the bananas.

Then the checkout lane light starts flashing.

When the flashing starts, not even the children can be saved. Before anyone can help the banana-challenged individual touch the banana picture, a register monkey has to come over and use some magical keycard thingy (technical, industry term – pardon my jargon) to stop the flashing. This usually takes several days.

Now, I don’t blame the cashiers for the delay. It’s a frustrating situation for all involved, not least of all the humans whose jobs are being taken by talking touch-screens, self-starting and stopping conveyor belts, and combination scanner/scales. It must suck to have to work their magic and touch the bananas for the unduly frustrated and banana-challenged person at the front of the rightfully frustrated and steadily increasing line of grocery store patrons. I can’t say that I’d be in a hurry to do so, were the tables turned.

My point? Chances are, if you need a picture to successfully checkout your own groceries or place/receive a phone call, you probably aren’t capable of utilizing the camera function on a cell phone properly anyhow, anyway.

Then again, we each have our own fuzzy line separating “necessity” from excessive ridiculousness, don’t we?

Thank you, and goodnight.
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