cynth (cynthtastic) wrote,

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Humanity: UGH!

If I ever write a book, that's what it will be called.

crashrose and I just got back from Lord of the Rings: Return of the King. The movie kicked ass. Plain and simple. They really did the book justice, and that's a rare and glorious thing.

The audience, however... *sigh*

I hate people.

If you ever want to know why, sit in darkness, with the expectation of relative quiet, elbow to elbow with a full movie theater's worth of them for three and a half hours. Then you will see how little it takes to bring out the ugliness of society.

When a film of epic proportions is released and the geeky masses join forces with all of dorkdom and the nerdy empire, you're always and without fail going to have some clappers in the audience. When something battle-rific happens, they will applaud. Hell, they may cheer at the opening titles. Consider yourself lucky if none of them are in costume.

This sort is harmless. Yes, they can be trying when the clapping spills over into a scene you'd rather be listening to than just deafly staring at through the din of fandom, but chances are, they won't make you miss anything significant -- all the crucial bits of the movie are at least as important to them as they are to you.

But just as the Bible can't have a prophet without a king, the theater housing an applause-generating geek movie can't have clappers without clapper-jeering imbeciles. These brilliant specimens express their disgust at the broken silence by shouting or hissing as loudly as they can. Unbeknownst to the clapper-jeering imbeciles, this only serves to make the theater louder.

I expected this sort, also, but I must admit that I underestimated the force and breadth of clapper-jeering imbeciles who would be in attendance. Still, the rowdy, hyperactive, immature, ignorant, rude bastards were to be the worst scourge on the theater, and it would be they who would turn the theater into -- and I'm putting this into the best, geekiest parlance I can muster -- a wretched hive of scum and villainy.

They laughed when nothing was funny.

They clapped, to mock the clappers, when everyone else was trying to listen.

They spoke loudly to one another.

They grew restless, mostly near the three hour mark, and began discussing when the film would end.

They continued to make disparaging remarks about the length of the film through the touching, meaningful, and most importantly, quiet parts of the film.

One belched, loud and long, during the coronation. (Call that a spoiler, if you like, but the movie is named Return of the King.) Thereafter, the other rowdy, hyperactive, immature, ignorant, rude bastards cackled and snickered until I thought my head might actually explode or, at the very least, burst into flame.

And to think I (and, by "I," I mean crashrose) actually paid for this!

Tonight was one of those instances when I catch a glimpse of why the rest of the world hates Americans. They think we're all like the rowdy, hyperactive, immature, ignorant, rude bastards in the movie theater, feeling so self-important that we would ruin an evening for scores of people just to amuse and draw attention to ourselves.

Gluttonous, self-absorbed, and impatient. Puerile. Sophomoric.

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